he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
well most of my day revolves around power hour
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
