Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
