I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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