Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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