i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My bed smells like the plague
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
