she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
