my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
