my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
