I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
