You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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