he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
