3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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