youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
