I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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