I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
