I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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