his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
