My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
