I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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