guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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