remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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