I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
