It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
