Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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