Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
this hospital has no fireball
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
