your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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