so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
