I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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