i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Small penises have feelings too.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
