i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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