well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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