Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
