Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
