Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
