she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
