Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
