Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
