this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
