Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
