ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
