I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
