she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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