I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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