I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it glows. i had to have it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
