Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
