i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
