Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
