I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
