I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
