I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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