So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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